Who is it that comes to mind? What’s their name? If it is someone else’s youth, you may feel opinionated. You may feel strongly about what should happen to set that person straight.
If the person that came to mind is your teenager or young adult child, you may feel less opinionated and more lost. Lost at what to do next. You may have feelings of embarrassment & failure and a lack of hope for that teen that had so much potential but is now wasting away into drugs, bad behaviors, and lack of respect for anything that makes sense to you. You probably want this to stop right now and have them confront the truth of their behaviour.
You can make that happen. You can have your teen and young adult confront the truth and consequences of their own behaviour. Read this email, learn its message and put the tips provided into action.
If the person you thought of is someone else’s young person, take a small risk with your relationship and give those parents a call. Offer support and compassion, in whatever way that looks like to you, and forward them this email. Let them know that:
Drugs, alcohol, crime, dysfunction, laziness and no sense of direction are optional. Below is one step, in a proven direction.
If you are at all hesitant, give me a call and I will help you take that first step….
Does laying it out on the line for your teen or young adult child feel like a good fit for your house?
Call and tell me about the struggle you are dealing with.
The Business of Parenting:
Too many parents struggle to guide their teenagers and young adults effectively. They debate, hesitate, and if they’re lucky, they scribble a plan on the back of a napkin—only to watch it fail. Then comes the rationalization: “Well, that’s just how kids are these days. It’s not like when I was young.”
Would a Business Survive Without a Manual?
Successful businesses don’t guess their way to success. They follow manuals, policies, and systems that have been tested over time. Training programs, handbooks, and structured guidance ensure employees perform well. No company just throws a new hire into the workplace and says, “Figure it out!”
I can understand why some parents think teens and young adults don’t come with a manual. No one handed them one. But the manuals actually exist; we just need to go looking. Books, research, and generational wisdom are available. The public library is filled with parenting manuals. But too many parents never seek them out, choosing to “wing it” instead.
The Cost of Improvising Parenthood
Parents today are being told to “let teens and young adults discover life for themselves.” But without guidance, children lack competence in both internal skills (emotional and intellectual resilience) and external skills (financial and physical success).
When a child lacks competence, their nervous system suffers. You’ll hear me refer to the nervous system a lot when it comes to troubled youth. Anxiety, insecurity, and helplessness set in. An unstable nervous system produces unstable neurotransmitters, which can lead to:
🔹 Drugs: Looking for relief from anxiety, insecurity, and lack of direction, and boosting neurotransmitters.
🔹 Alcohol: Provides the feeling of escape and a sense of “no worries.”
🔹 Crime: Seeking power, identity, or financial gain from the wrong places.
This is what happened to me and my friends in high school and right after we graduated. We felt lost, impulsive, and sought good feelings of any kind. When we didn’t know of any other way to get them, we created our own path, which led to a life of partying, crime, extreme risk, and inevitable self-destruction.
Parents: Run Your Family Like a Business, Because It Is One
No successful company lets employees “figure it out” on their own. No boss assumes people will learn accountability without training. Yet too often, parents accidentally do this—hoping their teens will absorb values, self-discipline, and resilience without clear instruction.
In my consulting service, I’ve seen households become like well-run businesses, with:
✔ A Clear Vision – Where are we going? What kind of person are we raising?
✔ Consistent Training – Daily lessons on life skills, responsibility, and resilience.
✔ Accountability & Standards – Not as punishment, but as structure. Household rules for behavior and success.
✔ A Leadership Mindset – Parents leading by example, not just reacting to problems.
The Hard Truth:
“If parents ran their businesses the way some parents raise their chilren, their business might go bankrupt.”
However:
“If parents ran their children the way some parents run their businesses, their children would thrive and prosper.”
I understand that with all the messages from society promoting soft and permissive approaches to life, it can be hard to come home and apply business-like training. But I believe parents can raise themselves up, revisit these principles, follow a format from somewhere, maybe even mine, and get the job done.
Dear Tom,
Every parent wants their child to be successful in their life choices. That is not always possible. All we can give our child is “Roots & Wings” knowing that we did our very best to raise responsible children. Now Tom, I can see I can still do that from here, even when he’s 40 years old.
I, as a parent, do not want my child to be attached to mom’s apron strings. Tom – thank you for helping me to grow as a parent and helping me give my children Roots and Wings. Compared to the way things were before, they are infinitely better.
Susan Remco, Sundre AB
Note: This parent’s child is 40 years old, was hooked on drugs, and lives in his own home and she was able to inspire him to change and improve.
Get the behavior you want from your child.
I will teach you how to train the skills you want into your teen.
I will do it with you, and in extreme cases I can do it for you.
I have templates, resources, and real-life examples you can model.
Let’s talk.
Call here
For a quick response
P.S. If you know another parent who is struggling, call me now. Tell me about them. I can help you get them started in a new direction. 403-391-4184.
