Do you know a teenager or young adult youth with disappointing behavior?
Who is it that comes to mind? What’s their name? If it is someone else’s youth, you may feel opinionated. You may feel strongly about what should happen to set that person straight.
If the person that came to mind is your teenager or young adult child, you may feel less opinionated and more lost. Lost at what to do next. You may have feelings of embarrassment & failure and a lack of hope for that teen that had so much potential but is now wasting away into drugs, bad behaviors, and lack of respect for anything that makes sense to you. You probably want this to stop right now and have them confront the truth of their behaviour.
You can make that happen. You can have your teen and young adult confront the truth and consequences of their own behaviour. Read this email, learn its message and put the tips provided into action.
If the person you thought of is someone else’s young person, take a small risk with your relationship and give those parents a call. Offer support and compassion, in whatever way that looks like to you, and forward them this email. Let them know that:
Drugs, alcohol, crime, dysfunction, laziness and no sense of direction are optional. Below is one step, in a proven direction.
If you are at all hesitant, give me a call and I will help you take that first step….
Does laying it out on the line for your teen feel like a good fit for your house?
Call and tell me about the struggle you are dealing with.
An Olympic coach has one mission: bring a young athlete to the medal podium. This coach becomes a mentor, father figure, friend, and leader. He uses both his expertise in sport and the strength of his relationship with the athlete to create success. Every word he speaks, every facial expression, every tone of voice, and every behavioral cue has an impact.
Does this sound like parenting?
You bet it does.
A real coach never says:
“Well son, it would be better if you swam 15 laps. I am not sure if talking to the pretty lifeguard is a good idea. It is your choice, I am just saying, well, I am not going to fight with you, I think you might regret this, I… uh…”
You also will never hear:
“That is it. I asked you twice to lift those weights. I will not ask again. I am going to kick you out if you refuse. Go find another coach if you will not listen.”
Why does this sound weak and disappointing?
Because it is not motivational, it does not lead to excellence, and it is a recipe for failure.
Good coaches do not talk like this because they know what motivates greatness.
I routinely hear parents pleading and negotiating with their teens.
In restaurants.
In churches.
In parking lots.
Pleading with their teenager to do chores.
Negotiating with them to behave.
That is no way to live.
And the teenager does not enjoy it either.
You do not plead and negotiate with young teenagers.
Or with any children.
You raise them.
You cause learning to happen because you are the one in charge.
Nobody expects an Olympic coach to be a marshmallow.
They do not call it the Marshmallow Olympics.
They call it the greatest competition on earth, and it requires discipline, expectation, and results.
It is an event where people make things happen.
Parents are supposed to make things happen in their teenager’s life.
Teachers are supposed to make things happen.
Family services are supposed to make things happen.
Grown-ups are meant to create discipline and skill when kids are young.
Parents must teach financial management early, not wait until their children reach adulthood with no understanding of RRSPs, mortgages, or equity.
It takes consistent, structured education from parents. Not in a harsh way, but in a way that is not optional for the teenager.
Parents should teach:
• peer pressure
• sexual values
• nutrition
• motivation
• emotional and thought management
• practical life skills
• money and responsibility
Across the teenage years, this adds up to hundreds of hours of useful and practical education.
This is how Olympic coaches prepare their athletes:
hours of instruction, analysis, correction, and encouragement.
A coach gives hours of training and feedback.
He cheers their victories.
He bonds with them by reinforcing their wins.
He breaks down failures into small pieces and teaches exactly how to improve.
The coach is:
reliable
motivating
trustworthy
consistent
supportive
cool to be around
and hard as nails
He is a friend and a master at the same time.
He holds high expectations and standards and keeps the athlete accountable.
And the athlete gets away with nothing.
These strategies fail quite often:
• Letting your teen “discover life at their own pace”
• Allowing substandard results for months or years until “they have had enough”
• Waiting for your underperforming teen to come to you and ask how to solve a problem
These are not strategies. They are surrender.
Parents are far better off behaving like Olympic coaches.
Get it together.
Light a fire under your teenager.
Train them intensely.
Guide them deeply.
Teach them relentlessly.
Be their mentor and their friend at the same time.
Because that is what creates excellence.
Not pleading.
Not negotiating.
Not weakness.
Excellence comes from leadership.
And parents are supposed to be the leaders.
Myself and my four kids are all great. My son is not totally out of the woods yet but he has come miles from where he was and I thank you again for your help. He is physically back to being very healthy and has not lost his love of staying very fit and keeping his love and God given talent for volleyball. It’s like we have our loving brother and son back. Our relationship is almost back to where it used to be. Please continue to send me your newsletters and know that I would recommend your help to anyone who I know needs it.
Michelle Johnson, Red Deer AB, Accountant.
Follow these simple steps to role model raising your teen like a coach raises their athlete.
Get the behavior you want from your child.
I will teach you how to train the skills you want into your teen or young adult youth.
I will do it with you, and in extreme cases I can do it for you.
I have templates, resources, and real-life examples you can model.
Let’s talk.
Call here
For a quick response
P.S. If it is not you that is struggling with a youth, it may be a friend or family member. Your welcome to call me now and tell me about them. I can help you get them started in a new direction. 403-391-4184
