Below are ten Christmas mistakes that seem harmless, but often set kids up for entitlement, stress, and long-term trouble. More importantly, each has a healthier alternative that strengthens your young person’s nervous system and your relationship with them.

10. Letting kids open more than one present before Christmas morning

Instead:
Make them wait. Instilling patience before reward is one of the five precursors for long-term adult success, according to a landmark 1965 study. It is also a popular discipline strategy in treatment programs for recovering addicts.

9. Letting your child verbally tell you their wish list

Instead:
Have them write it down. They need to learn that meaningful results require effort. Do you want to teach them that shortcuts produce good outcomes, or that planning and effort matter?

8. Making a New Year’s resolution

Why avoid it:
You will fail. Most people do. Your teenager will see it and model that behavior.

Instead:
Create written goals with step-by-step plans carried out throughout the year. Track progress on paper. Do this with your teen or young adult. They will still model you, but now they will model actual goal achievement.

7. Buying video games that simulate real life (especially violent role-playing)

Why avoid them:
These games demand one-third of the brain to execute activities that require all three parts in real life. It is overstimulation. Treatment centers have learned that removing modern video games from recovering addicts significantly improves behavior and recovery. Reducing video games builds resilience against addiction.

Instead:
Buy something physical. Skis, sports gear, Karate memberships. Then actually use the items with them. Bond, move, and engage. If you must buy a game, choose something like simple car racing or non-life-simulation formats.

6. Drinking in front of your teenager or young adult

Instead:
Offer them a drink and be cool for a change. Cool parents have teens who stay bonded to them and bring their problems home instead of hiding them. If your teen does not drink on principle, make spicy hot drinks and pretend to toast together.

5. Telling your children that Santa rewards better school performance at Christmas

Why avoid it:
During other seasons of the year, holding kids accountable for performance is fine. Christmas, however, is a time for connection and acceptance, not grades.

Instead:
Three times a day, acknowledge something likable about them. Handsome. Pretty. Strong shoulders. Nice hair. Good humor. Authentic affirmation builds connection.

4. Bending over backward for estranged young adult children who may be using drugs

Instead:
Be where you feel comfortable and where others can enjoy you. Tell your estranged young adult you cannot make it. Inform them you will spend Christmas where you choose, with the people you choose, and that they are welcome to join if they can make it happen.

Then schedule two meaningful hours to talk privately on the phone. Ask about their year. No interruptions. No chaos.

3. Visiting too many friends and family

Instead:
Be present with your own children in your home. You cannot be hectic and present at the same time. The rest of the world can be visited during the other eleven months.

2. Buying young children too many independent-use presents

Why avoid it:
It signals that you want them in another room, busy without you.

Instead:
Buy at least one gift that requires time with you. Movie passes for two, dinner for two, two Nerf guns, a trampoline park pass for two, a tea set for two. The closer your young children are to you now, the less likely they will end up on the streets later.