Do you know a teenager or young adult youth with disappointing behavior?
Who is it that comes to mind? What’s their name? If it is someone else’s youth, you may feel opinionated. You may feel strongly about what should happen to set that person straight.
If the person that came to mind is your teenager or young adult child, you may feel less opinionated and more lost. Lost at what to do next. You may have feelings of embarrassment & failure and a lack of hope for that teen that had so much potential but is now wasting away into drugs, bad behaviors, and lack of respect for anything that makes sense to you. You probably want this to stop right now and have them confront the truth of their behaviour.
You can make that happen. You can have your teen and young adult confront the truth and consequences of their own behaviour. Read this email, learn its message and put the tips provided into action.
If the person you thought of is someone else’s young person, take a small risk with your relationship and give those parents a call. Offer support and compassion, in whatever way that looks like to you, and forward them this email. Let them know that:
Drugs, alcohol, crime, dysfunction, laziness and no sense of direction are optional. Below is one step, in a proven direction.
If you are at all hesitant, give me a call and I will help you take that first step….
Teens often resort to blaming others when faced with problems—whether trivial or significant. From childhood crises to navigating the complexities of adulthood, complaints are a constant occurrence. Parents may find themselves listening to grievances from both younger and older teens, even adult children—many of whom have contributed to their own issues through substance abuse, poor choices, or untreated mental illness.
This ongoing cycle of complaints can be frustrating and demoralizing for parents who’ve spent years guiding their teenagers. It’s disheartening to witness a lack of problem-solving skills despite all the effort poured into teaching better judgment. The urge to step in and fix things is strong, but the deeper desire is to raise independent, capable adults—not enable emotional dependency.
Complaints left unchecked can spiral into destructive behaviors: drug and alcohol abuse, self-sabotage, or even criminal activity. For parents doing everything they can to steer their children toward responsibility, this adds a heavy emotional burden. Wouldn’t it be a relief if your teenager began to take ownership of their life—allowing you, finally, to rest from the constant strain?
Whenever your teenagers come at you with these complaints or “poor me” type concerns you say this:
And then refuse to continue the conversation until they answer.
If your child is around 6 years old, start now. Ask them:
“What are you going to do about it?”
Say it every time they come home with a story—a bad report card, a scraped knee, a breakup, a fight, a disappointment. This one question forces your child to reflect on consequences and consider actions they can take to improve their situation. It won’t go perfectly at first—but after 10 years, you’ll have a young adult with a mental habit rooted in resilience and responsibility.
That kind of mindset is armor against peer pressure, substance abuse, poor money choices, impulsive sex, bullying, and more. It’s not just a question. It’s a practice.
Does “What are you going to do about it?” cure addiction to crystal meth or crack cocaine? Of course not. But that’s not where the problem starts.
Addiction is often the result of deeper issues—specifically, a teen’s inability to manage their life. Most troubled teens suffer from a lack of practice in problem-solving. They’ve been protected, enabled, or left unchallenged—and now they get easily overwhelmed.
So when they complain, and you end the conversation with, “What are you going to do about it?”, and you force a moment of reflection.
They may not like it. You might face backlash. But giving minimal support—and resisting the urge to rescue—can save lives. Because enabling is not kindness. It’s devastation in disguise.
If your teenager is already in legal trouble, academic failure, or battling addiction, the work becomes more strategic—but not impossible.
Go back to the lessons from sections 1 and 2. Recognize that your teen has skills they haven’t yet developed, and that your new job is to help them catch up—starting now. No blame, no guilt—just focus.
Yes, you may have contributed to their lack of problem-solving habits. Own that. But don’t dwell—pivot.
Undoing years of poor thinking is like untangling a tightly knotted shoelace. You don’t yank—it’ll only make it worse. You go strand by strand. It takes patience and method. But it can be done.
Parents in my consulting services do this every day. So can you.
If your teen is spiraling, calmly say: “So what are you going to do about it?”
Let the silence hang. Let it sting. This question cuts through noise and provokes introspection—even in a teen deeply entrenched in destructive behavior. I know, because I’ve been there myself. I’ve walked that dark road, and I know the kind of shift this one question can begin.
Get the behavior you want from your child.
I will teach you how to train the skills you want into your teen or young adult.
I will do it with you, and in extreme cases I can do it for you.
I have templates, resources, and real-life examples you can model.
Let’s talk.
Call here
For a quick response
P.S. If it is not you that is struggling with a youth, it may be a friend or family member. Your welcome to call me now and tell me about them. I can help you get them started in a new direction. 403-391-4184
